SnoCare - Frequently Asked Questions

Q: My mother has Alzheimer’s disease. I provide care for her in my home 7 days a week, basically 24 hours a day since she gets up at night and wanders. I’m always tired and sometimes I get overwhelmed. I feel resentful even though I know it’s not her fault, and she would do this for me if things were reversed. I can’t leave her alone. Any suggestions that might help me cope with this situation?

A: The scenario you describe illustrates why family caregivers face a high risk of depression and stress-related illness. A University of Pittsburgh study found an increased mortality rate of 63% among caregivers when compared with a control group, and it is estimated that 25% of nursing home placements result from caregiver illness or death. The message here is that living with this degree of chronic stress places both yourself and your mother at risk. Perhaps your mother can’t be left alone, but you do need a break from caregiving. Are there family members, friends, or church members who might lend a hand? Accept help when it is offered, try asking for help. This can be hard for those who are used to being independent and “toughing it out.” Practice with small, specific requests for assistance. People generally feel good about helping others, and involving others will help you stay connected to your community, may diminish your feelings of resentment, and may turn out to be a stimulating change-of-pace for your mom, too! Look into in-home respite care or out-of-home adult day care programs. Call Senior Information & Assistance at 425- 513-1900 or 1-800-422-2024 for information about these options. It is only human to struggle with difficult feelings in your situation, and you may make mistakes or lose your temper. Forgive yourself and don’t sweat the small stuff! Your caregiving will be well served by some positive self-care activities. Maintain your own physical health. Get some physical exercise, even if it’s in your home – dancing in the living room or watching (and doing!) “Sit and Be Fit” with mom. Good nutrition and sleep are important. Laugh at the funny stuff; allow yourself to grieve losses as you go along. Maintain contact with friends, even with regular phone calls. Consider joining a caregiver support group – there you will meet others who can really understand what you are coping with! As overwhelming and isolating as your caregiving responsibilities may be, connecting with others in your situation is possible, and may serve as a great source of practical caregiving strategies, and as a sustaining emotional lifeline. You may find you have hard-earned wisdom to share with others, as well!

Q: I’d like to get my mother involved in some outside activities, but she’s so resistant. Any suggestions?

A: It is important to start by considering the possible reasons for resistance. If fear is an issue it may be addressed by empathetic acknowledgement of possible concerns, along with expressions of reassurance. Denial of problems is a common defense mechanism that we all use to protect ourselves from pain and the threat of problems. Direct confrontation of denial may be construed as a further threat; more effectively, you can reframe the conversation, acknowledging your mother’s feelings and stating your own needs and concerns. Difficult events can be contextualized positively, i.e. planning a lunch out on the way home from the doctor’s office. New activities can be approached in small action steps, i.e. driving by the adult day health center, then scheduling a brief visit together (“Let’s just see what it’s like.”) Loss of decision-making control may be experienced as a loss of dignity; resistance may be an attempt to maintain control, albeit negatively. It is important to empower those in our care by allowing and encouraging them to make as many of their daily life decisions as possible, thus acknowledging and supporting the competencies that they retain.

Q: I am caring for my sister after her stroke. What resources are available to help me in my new role?

A: Caregiving is a job with specific tasks and responsibilities, as well as stresses and rewards. You can indeed function best in this new role if you prepare by learning about your sister’s condition, strategies for her care and services available to you. Your sister’s health care providers may be a good initial source for information. Many books about care needs related to specific disabilities are available in bookstores and public libraries. National organizations, such as the American Heart Association, also offer information about specific diseases (i.e. heart disease and stroke). These national organizations have local chapters in many communities. Support groups are another good resource for caregivers. In these groups, families share the information they have found helpful in caring for their loved one. You can learn new coping skills and practical solutions to specific problems. Support groups often feature guest speakers and may focus on a specific disease. An important part of getting help is learning about the programs that could provide assistance for your sister. She may enjoy attending a day center once or twice a week. These programs typically offer stimulating activities, a hot lunch, and an opportunity to be with others. Respite care is designed for you, the caregiver. A trained person would relieve you at home during regularly scheduled times, and could assist with specific activities. Overnight respite care is also offered in most communities to provide a break or brief vacation. Home health care services are available to meet specific needs, including nursing care, personal care (i.e. bathing) and chore services (i.e. meal preparation). For more information about the types of services available in your area, contact Senior Information and Assistance at 425-513-1900 or 1-800-422-2024. We can send you a free Caregiver’s Handbook, which is a guide for family members and caregivers who help seniors with disabilities.